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The Masterplayer's Quiz
This quiz will rate your knowledge of these webpages and prepare you for your journey to Hotel California/Area 53. There are 30 questions.


1. What is the name of Clarissa's Stuffed Bear?
A. Max
B. Yoki
C. Rear End
D. Bear
E. Smokey

2. What is the name of the alien from Lifestar?
A. IComeInPeace
B. Kaaltu
C. ET
D. He has no name
E. Trebas

3. What person is held captive at Hotel California?
A. Deep Throat
B. Peter Meade
C. David Barron
D. The monk with no name
E. Deep Monk

4. What question should you ask about Hotel California?
A. Did Don Henley sleep here?
B. Is it an alien vacation spot?
C. Is this the Hogwarts of North America?
D. Does the Disney Corporation really run this place?
E. Is it a Grand Central Station for souls?

5. What would stop a golf game on the Hotel California Links?
A. Bogeymen
B. Evil Spirits
C. Aliens
D. Electrical Storms
E. Fog

6. Who is Clarissa's grandfather?
A. Eagle
B. Tonto
C. Eaglefeather
D. Indian Joe
E. Katimavik

7. Clarissa is most like?
A. Her mother
B. Some teenage bimbo
C. Buffy
D. Nancy Drew
E. Her grandfather

8. What happened at Roswell?
A. Aliens crashlanded
B. Aliens contacted US Government personnel
C. Nothing at all
D. A military ballon crashlanded
E. By stealing DNA, aliens created clones of themselves

9. What is Cartoon World?
A. A new Disney fantasyland
B. A bookstore that sells comics
C. An alternate reality filled with cartoons
D. A place where humans and cartoons can live in harmony
E. A hidden area of the imagination

10. How many secret agents disappeared?
A. seven
B. one
C. four
D. five
E. six

11. To enter the Native-American Burial Grounds, what do you need?
A. A passport
B. Three pieces of identification
C. A health certificate
D. A quest
E. A soul without a body

12. Who is the guide at Hotel California?
A. Ben Doone
B. David Barron
C. An angel
D. Phil E. MaCrackin
E. Peter Meade

13. Who are the managers at Hotel California
A. Two Scottish homosexuals
B. Two Scottish bagpipers
C. Ben and Doone
D. Aliens
E. Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein

14. Who is the Cod-Master
A. Al Jolson
B. Joey Smallwood
C. RSole Fishtank
D. Alien clone
E. Newfoundland clown

15. Where is Hotel California?
A. In California
B. In Arizona
C. In Newfoundland
D. In Area 51
E. In an unknown area somewhere

16. What were the final words of a NASA agent before he disappeared?
A. What did I do to deserve this?
B. There's aliens here, Ahhh!
C. I know what cult this is. It's....
D. Something is sucking on my brain.
E. Is it Heaven? Is it Hell?

17. What is Katimavik?
A. An old Indian wise man
B. Some place in Canada
C. An Indian reservation in Arizona
D. A meeting place for souls and humans
E. An Indian variety store

18. What is the name of Clarissa's mother?
A. Eaglefeather
B. Cher
C. Pocahontas
D. Eagle
E. Nancy

19. Where is Area 53 located?
A. Near Area 51
B. On some other planet
C. In New Mexico
D. In Newfoundland
E. In Arizona

20. What is Clarissa's favourite sport or game?
A. Horseriding
B. Chess
C. Tennis
D. Crossword puzzles
E. Trivia Pursuit

21. What song is the Cod-Master singing in the Zen Happy Pages?
A. Mammy
B. Ole' Black Joe
C. Swampee
D. Fried chicken and watermelon
E. A Man Named Sue

22. What is the name of RSole's assistant?
A. He doesn't have a name
B. Feceshead
C. Ben Doone
D. Phil E. MaCrackin'
E. Wang Dung

23. What do Zen-Cod followers drink to transport themselves into the unknown?
A. Moosehead beer
B. Cactus juice
C. Kool-Aid
D. Tang
E. Anti-freeze

24. Where did Mr. Fishtank learn Zen-Cod?
A. In his mammy's arms
B. The Internet
C. Budda
D. Aliens
E. Jimmy Jones

25. For which Area 53 suspect is a reward offered?
A. Deep Monk
B. Ben Doone
C. Phil E. MaCrackin'
D. David Barron
E. Peter Meade

26. On page one of "Clarissa's Journey", there is this picture:
A. Of a dead body
B. Of an old ghost town
C. Of a ghost
D. Of an alien
E. Of a monster

27. How do people get to "Cartoon World"?
A. Look into your mind and find it.
B. Go to the mirror room of the hotel
C. Click on the link called "Cartoon World"
D. Go to Disneyworld
E. Look for it with a map of Toronto

28. Hotel California is what kind of creation?
A. A desert resort for cult followers
B. An alien base for brainwashing humans
C. Webpages
D. A written piece of work
E. A secret government base in Area 51

29. Hotel California is based on what?
A. The Eagles' song
B. A hotel in California
C. A "Hotel California" somewhere in the world
D. David Barron's alien abduction experiences
E. David Barron's experiences in a new age religious group

30. What hotel is used for the set of Hotel California?
A. It's a Hotel California in California
B. It's Casa Loma in Toronto
C. It's the headquarter of some cult somewhere
D. It's the home of the Eagles
E. It's the actual "Hotel California" in Arizona
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